Thursday, May 3, 2012

BLOODFRUIT First 250 words and Query Summary


In my sleep deprived haze I was able to make into the fabulous contest hosted by Brenda Drake of Brenda Drake Writes, Cupid of Cupid’s Literary Connection, Monica B.W. of Love YA, and Krista Van Dolzer of Mother. Write. (Repeat.).


Title: BLOODFRUIT
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Wordcount: 97,000
First 250 words:

A no-kill order was unprecedented in Hell.
 It’s why he was here. Tam felt his heart catch in his throat as Eres’ cold eyes cut through the crowd of eager demons. Every eye watched her, waiting. Waiting to hear who Eres wanted so badly to offer such a lucrative reward. She laid out the details for the bounty, except the detail Tam was most curious about—why? Why the no-kill order? There had to be some sort of explanation.
No killing,” Eres repeated.
The menace in her voice quelled the disgruntled murmurs from the low-level demons who’d come to hear about the bounty.
Eres and her mate wanted a girl. Tam wondered who this girl was, and why they wanted her alive—why they wanted her at all. What had she gotten herself into that Hell would set such a high price on her head?
But before he could speculate about the girl’s sordid business, an alarm began wailing. The sound echoed off the golden chamber walls, creating turmoil in the crowd.
Tam swore, drawing the hood of his cloak over his face. Bodies in the room reacted like a single organism, swelling in apprehension. This was a mistake. He didn’t like to involve himself with Hell anymore. But the money was good. Too good to ignore. He could use it to hide for a century—longer if he was smart about it.
And he wouldn’t have to kill anyone to get it this time. 

Query summary:

BLOODFRUIT is a YA urban fantasy that combines a retelling of the Sumerian myth of Inana’s descent into the underworld with PARADISE LOST to create a world where a teenage girl is being hunted by demons. Demons who want to use her blood to create bodies for the incorporeal souls of the damned so they can build an army.

Fifteen year-old Ana is relieved to cross paths with the immortal bounty hunter Tam. But only because she’s unaware that she is his bounty.

Ana suspects she’s losing her mind when she’s attacked by four men who recoil in agony at her touch. Things get weirder when the boy from her dreams waltzes into reality and kisses her in front of her boyfriend.

Eres is a demon with plenty of clout and an excess of gold who just discovered her little sister Inana is still alive. She wants little Ana’s blood.

Tam has been dodging his past for thousands of years, and Eres’ gold is just what he needs to disappear. But when he finds Ana, he realizes she’s not his typical bounty. There’s something bigger going on, and Tam is determined to figure out what it is.

Ana is pleased when Tam shows up, saving her from her attackers. But she’s suspicious too, because he seems to know a lot about them. She decides Tam is her best bet for figuring out why she’s being targeted and how to stop it.

Damon just escaped from Hell with the precious piece of fruit that holds all the answers. He’s determined to keep the horde of bounty-hunting demons from finding his soul mate. But saving Ana is complicated because she no longer remembers him.

As Ana digs for the truth, she learns that Hell is after her, but no one can tell her why. She must figure out a way to stop them before the demons succeed in dragging her down to Hell.

28 comments:

  1. Hi SueJay, I'm stopping by from the Writer's Voice Contest to wish you the best of luck! I'm following your blog now, so: nice to meet you.

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  2. Fellow Writers Voice entrant checking in - howdy!

    Great entry - sounds very interesting! Good luck in the contest!

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  3. Fantastic! Stopped by to say good luck!

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  4. I love this world you've created. Rooting for you!

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  5. Congratulations on making the list, best of luck with your fantastic entry ^_^

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  6. Love the choice of Sumerian mythology, not something you see very often. And it's already apparent through the few pages here that you aren't hiding behind the mythology, but using it as a backdrop to a very compelling love story.
    Once again, good luck!

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    1. Thanks Adam. It's nice to see someone familiar with the mythology. Most the time when I tell people about it they just give me a puzzled look :)

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  7. Good luck! Glad you made it in!

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    1. You too! I love your new query, and I was glad to finally get to read some of your book.

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  8. What a great opening line!
    Best of luck to you

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  9. Stopping by to wish you luck in the contest. I also love your opening line! Such a great hook!

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  10. I would so read this! :) Good luck!

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  11. Hi Sue,
    This is Kevin by the way. I have heard lots about your book but this is first I have been able to read any of it. Great job in hooking the reader. I really want to find out what happens. You've created an intriguing setting and characters that I am interested in. I'm sure everyone else feels the same. I look forward to being able to read more. Best of luck!
    -Kevin

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  12. Interesting concept and setting! Best of luck! :)

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  13. Wow, this sounds dark and intriguing~ everything an urban fantasy should be :) And, I must add, I love the title (both of your manuscript and of your blog!).

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    1. Thanks, Jess. I'm a sucker for Shakespeare :)

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  14. I must say I really love your title!! Good luck!!

    Entry #31

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  15. I'm impressed that you put your first 250 before your query. They are so compelling they could be the query. Very good. Very, very good. A definate winner IMHO (now, before your get your hopes up I have to warn you that my wife thinks my middle name is OftenWrong, I hate to admit that hers is Oftenright...

    Good luck!

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    1. Thanks. In truth I did it because I'm still very new at the querrying thing, and I felt it would be a stronger lead. Although just reading through everyone else's entries has shown me some really great querries.

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  16. An interesting concept.

    Good luck!

    Tina (#194)

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  17. I love Sumerian mythology.
    Best of luck!
    Carolyn, #157

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  18. I really like your premise! I'm not very familiar with the mythology, which really makes me want to read more. Good luck!

    Brandi #199

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  19. Thanks for all the love guys. I've spent the last three days packing and flying to Santiago, so now I have to catch up on what I've missed!

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  20. Bounty hunters! So cool! Best of luck! : )

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