My Muse Disagrees With the Water

I was in the shower this morning, and I realized my routine has been off. Usually all my great ideas come in the shower. Even phrasing for how to tackle the next attempt at an edit or query will be spinning through my mind as I bathe. I decided there must be something wrong with the Chilean water. Because aside from a few days of hyper-productivity, I've been in some sort of South American funk.

Then I started fantasizing about publishing my book and got to thinking about Ana. Are girls going to hate her? Not every male character in the book falls in love with her (technically it's only one during the book), but she does have a certain quality that attracts people. Granted one is programed to love her, one loved her from the moment he met her, and the other isn't allowed to love her. But still, I should kind of hate this girl, at least a little. No one likes that girl.

Then this morning in the shower it hit me. I don't hate her because I already love her. She's my best friend from high school--or at least a small part of her is. She's the beautiful, wonderful girl who's time between boyfriends could be measured with a stopwatch. But not one of those girls who can only connect with guys. She's so wonderful, everybody loves her.

I cannot believe I've been living in Ana's head for so long and never realized this. Now I like her even more.

Query Roundtable

After reading through 200 queries for The Writers Voice competition I got a good idea of what works. And why mine wasn't.

When I read Rachel's post about the Query Roundtable I was thrilled.

Many of the other talented writers in the competition, especially the winners, had very tight queries focusing on the main characters and the main plot. Mine was kind of all over the place with minor characters and subplots.

So I've rewritten my query (let's call it draft 347).  I focused it on my two main POV characters. I tried to show a bit of their personalities and give the main conflict. It pretty much killed me to not talk about the rest, but I guess that's query writing, and I still pretty much suck at it.

Tell me what you think. And I'll do the same for you.

Take 2: (5/23)

Fifteen year-old Ana doesn’t realize the men trying to kidnap her are actually demons trying to collect on a lucrative bounty set by Hell. And Tam, that sexy new guy? He’s a bounty hunter too.

Ana Owen is one crazy secret away from sewing herself into a straitjacket. First, there was the perfect boy from her recurring dreams. He waltzes into reality to play out her dream in the flesh. He kisses her right in front of her boyfriend, effectively ruining her life. Sorry, I thought I was dream-cheating is the most crazy-pathetic excuse ever.

Then there were the rotten-egg smelling men who were weirdly obsessed with her eyes, one green, one hazel. These would-be kidnappers recoil in agony at her touch—one guy even breaks out into boils. Ana has no idea what is wrong with her

What she really needs is someone to talk to, someone with answers. Enter Tam, charming and confident he swoops in to save the day when more attackers show up. But Ana can’t shake the feeling Tam knows more than he’s letting on.

Ana discovers her kidnappers are demons. But no one seems to know why Hell would be interested in her, or why the demons would react so violently to her touch. She must figure out what is going on before the demons succeed in dragging her down to Hell.

BLOODFRUIT is a 95,000 YA urban fantasy that combines a retelling of the Sumerian myth of Inana’s descent into the underworld and PARADISE LOST to create a world where a teenage girl’s blood holds the key to creating bodies for an army of the Damned.

NEW Query:

Fifteen year-old Ana doesn’t know her blood can create bodies for the Damned. Or that the sexy new guy is a bounty hunter for Hell. And she’s his bounty.

Ana turns to her “journal” when she needs to think. She scribbles her thoughts onto smooth stones using multicolored sharpies, and casts them into the Pacific so no one will be able to read her thoughts. Which is probably a good thing because she’d probably be locked up in a mental ward if she left entries like these lying around:

Someone is trying to kidnap me, but they can’t actually touch me.

What am I?

I might know what it feels like to die.

What does it mean to have a soulmate?

Ana just wants someone to talk to, someone with answers. But she never imagined anyone would find the stones and write her back.

So when Tam shows up to save the day giving off the vibe that he knows more about her would-be kidnappers than he’ll admit, Ana is suspicious. She doesn’t know if she can trust him, and tosses a stone into the sea with a single question: Who is Tam?

Tam thought his bounty-hunting days were over, but then he heard the whispers about this new job. Very lucrative, with the added mystery of being the only No-Kill bounty Hell has ever issued. Tam’s curiosity is peaked. Besides he needs the gold. He just has to find this girl before the horde of demons who are also after the bounty get to her.

Ana turns to Tam for answers, but discovers he has secrets of his own. She must figure out what is going on, and find a way to stop the demons before they succeed in dragging her down to Hell.

BLOODFRUIT First 250 words and Query Summary

In my sleep deprived haze I was able to make into the fabulous contest hosted by Brenda Drake of Brenda Drake Writes, Cupid of Cupid’s Literary Connection, Monica B.W. of Love YA, and Krista Van Dolzer of Mother. Write. (Repeat.).


Title: BLOODFRUIT
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Wordcount: 97,000
First 250 words:

A no-kill order was unprecedented in Hell.

 It’s why he was here. Tam felt his heart catch in his throat as Eres’ cold eyes cut through the crowd of eager demons. Every eye watched her, waiting. Waiting to hear who Eres wanted so badly to offer such a lucrative reward. She laid out the details for the bounty, except the detail Tam was most curious about—why? Why the no-kill order? There had to be some sort of explanation.

“No killing,” Eres repeated.

The menace in her voice quelled the disgruntled murmurs from the low-level demons who’d come to hear about the bounty.

Eres and her mate wanted a girl. Tam wondered who this girl was, and why they wanted her alive—why they wanted her at all. What had she gotten herself into that Hell would set such a high price on her head?

But before he could speculate about the girl’s sordid business, an alarm began wailing. The sound echoed off the golden chamber walls, creating turmoil in the crowd.

Tam swore, drawing the hood of his cloak over his face. Bodies in the room reacted like a single organism, swelling in apprehension. This was a mistake. He didn’t like to involve himself with Hell anymore. But the money was good. Too good to ignore. He could use it to hide for a century—longer if he was smart about it.

And he wouldn’t have to kill anyone to get it this time. 

Query summary:

BLOODFRUIT is a YA urban fantasy that combines a retelling of the Sumerian myth of Inana’s descent into the underworld with PARADISE LOST to create a world where a teenage girl is being hunted by demons. Demons who want to use her blood to create bodies for the incorporeal souls of the damned so they can build an army.

Fifteen year-old Ana is relieved to cross paths with the immortal bounty hunter Tam. But only because she’s unaware that she is his bounty.

Ana suspects she’s losing her mind when she’s attacked by four men who recoil in agony at her touch. Things get weirder when the boy from her dreams waltzes into reality and kisses her in front of her boyfriend.

Eres is a demon with plenty of clout and an excess of gold who just discovered her little sister Inana is still alive. She wants little Ana’s blood.

Tam has been dodging his past for thousands of years, and Eres’ gold is just what he needs to disappear. But when he finds Ana, he realizes she’s not his typical bounty. There’s something bigger going on, and Tam is determined to figure out what it is.

Ana is pleased when Tam shows up, saving her from her attackers. But she’s suspicious too, because he seems to know a lot about them. She decides Tam is her best bet for figuring out why she’s being targeted and how to stop it.

Damon just escaped from Hell with the precious piece of fruit that holds all the answers. He’s determined to keep the horde of bounty-hunting demons from finding his soul mate. But saving Ana is complicated because she no longer remembers him.

As Ana digs for the truth, she learns that Hell is after her, but no one can tell her why. She must figure out a way to stop them before the demons succeed in dragging her down to Hell.